3 of my 4 pregnancies came as a total shock. I was on birth control with all 3 surprises. (Those of you who are cursing my overactive fertility, I totally undedrstand. Feel free to call me names. I understand.) After Jacob died, I was terrified of getting pregnant again. I realized there are no guarantees. No promises. No reassuances. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be for me. Thankfully, cheap condoms that you buy on a “condom tree” are not always effective. Thus, we have Brandon.
After mothering Brandon for over a year, I knew that I wanted another baby so badly! I couldn’t imagine not having another baby and soon. It took a lot of reasoning and begging and Victoria’s Secret lingerie to finally convince Clint that he, too, wanted another baby. I can tell you for sure he finally caved in on a Thursday. How do I know that? Well, he bascially told me that I could either come get that baby made or I could watch e.r. on tv. After deliberating a bit (it was a new episode and e.r was in it’s heyday! I needed to think.) I realized- VCR! I taped e.r. and chose conception.
When you have tough pregnancies and are on bedrest for half a pregnancy, you are ready to get that baby out with any assistance necessary. Hell, at that point, you’d accept a melon baller to get that little sucker out if it would help. They started my induction at 6:00am on a Monday. They didn’t want to jump straight to pitocin, so they used some sort of magic cervix gel that would piss my body off enough to kick it into labor. Basically the plan was: gel, walk-walk-walk, gel, walk-walk-wak, gel cuss a whole lot, walk-walk-walk. Well, by the time I got to the cussing period, I was tired. (I walked for miles.) I was pissed off. (Why the hell hadn’t that baby gotten here yet? Magic gel my ass!) After the last gel application, the doctor said it wouldn’t happen that night to get ready to go upstairs to sleep for the night.
Have you ever told a pissed off, humongous, hormonal woman who has been in labor for 10 hours that it wasn’t going to happen anytime soon, you will know that it is not uncommon to see her eyes turn read, her head spin around and her spew venom and language that would make any sailor blush. I was so mad. Clint got yelled out like he had never been yelled at before. I am pretty sure I threatened Clint’s family jewels when he told me it was time to walk again. So up my elephant ass went to walk the halls of the hospital again. 50 feet out of L&D I dropped to my knees and scream. IT’S COMING NOW! No one believed me until I broke the handrail in the hallway and threatened an orderly with it.
An hour later, my baby boy was snuggled up against my chest, both of us in a state of shocked bliss.
My baby boy.
Over the past 9 years I have watched him go from my little baby to a smart, creative young man. He has an imagination that tops anyone I have ever met. In so many ways, he is a smaller, male version of me. The sensitivity, creativity and humor are so endearing. He is a friend to everyone he meets. He wears his heart on his sleeve. Sometimes I want so badly to protect his heart and tell him not to give so much of his heart to people. But, that is who he is. That is what makes him so very special. He amazes me with his compassion for everyone.
We thought he was our last child, so for 5 years I cherished every second of his life knowing that it would be the last “baby” moment I would experience. Then, when Gabrie came, I realized that although he would not be out last child, he was my last son. The baby boy who stole my heart the moment I held him in my arms.
I could never, ever express how much I love this little guy. He is my baby boy. All of my children are wanted, but this is my baby that was planned for and prayed for and tried for.
Today my sweet boy turned 9. I am amazed that he is 9 already. Yet, I can’t remember a time in my life that he wasn’t a part of it. He has always been a part of my heart. I was just finally able to hold that part of my heart in my arms 9 years ago on the night he was born.
Happy Birthday, Zarek. I love you so much.
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