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Happy birthday, Mommy Needs Coffee! Also known as Holy Crap! She’s been writing this blog for TEN years!

Happy birthday, Mommy Needs Coffee! Also known as Holy Crap! She’s been writing this blog for TEN years!

I can hardly believe it but today is my blog’s TENTH birthday.  (And I almost missed it.)  Ten years I have been coming here and sharing my life with you. Let me put that in perspective a bit.

My oldest son was only 9 years old. Still in elementary school. Now? He has moved out and is living in an apartment with a full time job. He’ll be 20 in 2 months. Whoa.

My middle son was 7 years old.  We were still watching animated movies together.  He is now a senior in high school. I’m clinging to my time with him.

My daughter was only 2 years old.  My little baby girl. Just recently graduated to a “big girl” bed. Today she is in middle school and using social media like a pro.

I was… 10 years younger, 3 years clean, married for 13 years, and thought I would save the world with my blog. Or at least meet amazing people and start a career.

And? I did!

Because of my blog I have met friends that are like family to me. I signed with an agent to publish my book. I have had my columns published in major magazines. I’ve been featured on a national news segment. I’ve been asked to appear of two major talk shows. I have yet to save the world, BUT there are times I feel like I saved myself by having an outlet to write freely.

I don’t know how to thank you, my loyal readers, for sticking with me. Especially after the past few months of writers block. Thanks for coming back. Thanks for reading. And? Thanks for making my dreams come true. Y’all are awesome! Here…have some cake.

 

cake
TEN years old, y’all!

 

 

Moms of teens don’t blog. Oh wait! Yes, we do! So why are we so under represented everywhere?

Moms of teens don’t blog. Oh wait! Yes, we do! So why are we so under represented everywhere?

I have a ten year old. By definition now, she is considered a tween. In addition to her I also have two teenage boys. A senior in high school and a sophomore in high school. Teenagers. Teens. Those who are not babies and not yet adult people. They are those who still live at home.

So where are the websites, resources, and “expert blog sites” for me? Does parenting end at 8 or 9? I proposed this question to someone who was touting their new blog farm as “The Go To Site For Parents of babies, toddlers and beyond!”  But I am guessing “and beyond” means up to 8. (Surprisingly, I got no response when I asked about their huge missing demographic of teens.)

In 2005 I spoke on the first mommyblogger panel at BlogHer. My kids were 10, 8 and 3. Today’s dream demographic for blogs and marketers! There are websites, blogs, magazines etc all dedicated to those ages. But guess what happened. Go on. Guess.

Did you guess they grew up? Bingo. Those kids are now the teens and tween. You see, these adorable babies and toddlers and young grade school kids grow up. And you want want to know what there is out there for the parents of these now older kids.

Not a damn thing. Squat. Nada.

Busymom wrote about it.

Cursingmom wrote about it.

JoanneGlenniaBeth,  Deb, and I sat and talked for hours at BlogHer’11 about how under represented parents of teens are online. How much marketers, magazine blogs and the latest in “blog farms” are missing out by ignoring such a huge demographic. (Trust me when I say I spend a helluva lot more on my tweens and teens than I ever did on the kid toys. WAY more!)

With one post on Busymom’s site commenters (parents of tweens and teens) agreed how sad it is to have such little representation out there.  I am talking about well known, long time bloggers like LizMelisa, Headless Mom, MelissaShannon, Cheryl,  Robyn, Babybloomr…those are just a few moms who piped up in agreement.

A big “argument” about why there are not many sites about teens is because our children no longer want us to write about them.(Your precious little one probably doesn’t you to be writing about them either, but that is a totally different topic.)  I am not talking about writing about their lives like we did when they were children without a voice to tell us to stop. I am talking about resources, advice, support.  When  newborn cries, there are usually only a handful of things that can be wrong. (I know there are exceptions.) With a teenager? Oh for the love of all things moody, hormonal and life changing there could be a million things. But even if it isn’t “What’s wrong?” there are things that we– as parents of teens– would love to have support with.

  • School.
  • Driving.
  • Health.
  • Dating.
  • Parties/gifts.
  • Changing relationships.
  • Jobs.
  • Cars.
  • College.
  • Etc, etc.

Unless you have a support system, you are on your own figuring it out.

I have also heard that marketers are trying to directly hit the teen market rather than go through parents. I call bullshit on that one. Where do they think these teens and tweens are going to get the money? It’s called the bank of Mom and Dad. To try to bypass us is ridiculous. And very, very short sighted. It doesn’t help when a company who is trying to reach out to parents of teens use parents whose children haven’t even hit the double digits as spokespeople. Isn’t that kind of like asking a man to tell  you what labor feels like?

I actually got an email from a PR rep that first mentioned that “even though your kids are still very young….” (tuned out right there) blah blah blah “and I have found there are so few bloggers with teens these days.” The hell? What Internet have you been on. I can give you a list of over 70 and still not have a complete list.

Those little kids on the adorable mommyblogs are going to become tweens and teens. Those adorable little Pampers wearing cherubs will become moody little strangers. Then what?  To quote cursingmama, “The Internet is no place for parents of teens.”

What do you think? Do you want your voice heard? Do you want more resources? Do we storm the gates trying to get the current market to listen or do we do it ourselves?  Just as we had to fight the whole “mommy bloggers aren’t worth our time” situation almost 8 years ago. (Now? They are are holy grail of bloggers. And yes, I am going to say that those who now have tweens and teens did help pave the way to that reality.) Is this our new stand? I’d love to hear from you! Share your blog. Share what you want to see. What do you think about the representation of tweens & teens– or under representation?

If they aren’t able to meet our needs,  do we do it ourselves and pave the way for the Pampers generation to come? Again?

The summer before it all changes…Or how do I officially have a high school senior planning for college?!

The summer before it all changes…Or how do I officially have a high school senior planning for college?!

Ahhh, my sweet, beloved (and neglected) blog readers. You’re still here. I love you to the moon and back for checking in on me here in this tiny, dusty corner of the Interwebs.  Summer break has finally begun. (Why, yes, that IS the Hallelujah Chorus you hear!) I am one of those rare breed of moms who loves summer break with her kids. I adore having them around. Truth be told, they make me laugh so much! We have a good time.

So, I officially have a high school senior, a high school sophomore and a fifth grader.  “So what?” you ask. (First, that is rude. Don’t be rude.) A  s-e-n-i-o-r in HIGH school. High freakin’ school. As in, I am planning for college. For someone I gave birth to. How is that even possible?? First of all, I am too young. Second of all, he is too young. Third of all, COLLEGE? We get to go on college visitations. We get to discuss majors. We talk about the real question of “What do you want to be when  you grow up?” conversations. Wha-huh?

When I started my first online journal I had two kids. I now have three. When I started this baby– Mommy Needs Coffee– I had three kids ages 2, 7 and 9. My babies. Now? I have one talking about college. How did that happen so fast? Trust me, mommybloggers– those of you who think these days of diapers, toddlers, playdates and tiny people will never end– it comes up on you so fast you won’t know what happened. You’ll blink and before you know it, you’ll be planning for college, scheduling SATs, getting driving tests taken and watching those little babies drive off towards their very own lives.

And you will be proud. And sad. And happy. And overwhelmed. And excited. And scared. And it will be one of the most amazing times in your life.

Or? You’ll live in denial. That works, too.

Fight the good fight, not the dirty one that hurts your community and your fellow mombloggers!

Fight the good fight, not the dirty one that hurts your community and your fellow mombloggers!

Rarely do I use my blog to rant and vent when it comes to other bloggers.  However, what I saw go down last week on blogs and on Twitter has me rather irate.  What am I talking about?  I am talking about the #nestlefamily blogger junket.  I watched on Twitter as the chaos and mudslinging occurred.  I stayed out of it.  I know most of the bloggers that attended and I know they do not support “baby killing” as it was so often referred to.  I do understand that many people have issues with Nestle.  I read posts and followed links to see what the firestorm was all about.  I saw the outrage and anger towards Nestle- some backing up their outrage, some just jumping on the bangwagon.

But here is where it went too far:  When other bloggers went as far as to slam, criticize and be downright cruel to the bloggers in attendance. Seriously?  That is just uncalled for when you attack the attendees.  Some of the bloggers were very hurt by the accusations and cruelty thrown their way. And some of this venom was by other blogger they respect(ed).   Did those of you who attacked the bloggers personally approach them in a respectful way or just throw stones?

You see, as one of the pioneers in mommyblogging, I have seen how far we have come.  We were once at the bottom of the blogging ladder.  We were the ones at the back of the list when it came to asking opinions of us or looking to us to educate and inform others about a product or service.  We (including some of the bloggers in attendance) fought hard to gain respect in the world of social media and with corporate America.  It was through our hard work, quality writing and open mindedness that we opened doors to major corporations to reach out to us.  Yes, we opened the door to gain access to these companies.  We earned their respect and therefore they have seen the power mom bloggers have online.  Believe it or not there was a time when there was no such thing as a blogger junket.

I remember one of the first held was Johnson’ s Baby Camp.  Yes, there was a blow up over that one. However, when bloggers were upset, they went to Johnson’s.  I did not see the actual bloggers being attacked personally.  Since then there have been many, many blogger trips to corporations where mom bloggers can learn about the companies, their practices and what they stand for as a company.  (Disclosure: Yes, I have been on some of these.  Yes, I do enjoy going. And, YES, I have learned more about these companies from attending.  It is not about a free trip and swag.  Do I enjoy going on these trips?  Of course I do.  A prime example is the trip I took to Hallmark.  I learned so much there and met amazing creative people.  I did have fun but more than that, I learned so much more about the company itself.   I do look into the companies when I am asked to go on one of these blogger junkets.  Just for the record.  The majority of us do not just get an invite and automatically jump for joy and attend. We attend for a reason.  We attend to hear what they have to teach us and show us about their company.)  For the record, Johnson’s did learn from the constructive criticism they received.  I worked with the PR person on this and saw it from their side as well.

Some of these women were at the forefront of mommyblogging.  They were ones that (even if the term mommyblogger made their skin crawl) fought to be heard and respected.  They are not into blogging for free trips, swag or bragging rights that they have been able to go on these trips.  They are the ones whose quality of writing brought these trips to you. (Yes, you who have been on them yourselves and enjoyed them.)   They helped show that we are powerful, useful and want to learn more about the products they may (or may not) be buying for their families.  To suggest anything else is not only inaccurate but cruel.  These women were blogging about their lives long before there was any monetary compensation or free trips involved.  Long before some of you were even blogging.

I saw and heard many women I respect personally attack these bloggers and frankly, it pisses me off in a big way.  I lost respect for women I had admired who used social media as a way to attack the attendees themselves.  What do you hope to gain doing that?  Do you think that by attacking their ethics, motivation and character makes you look more informed and a better person/mom blogger?  Well, it doesn’t.  It makes you look foolish and immature.

If you have a problem with Nestle, bring it up with NESTLE.  You want to boycott them, you go on with your bad self.  You want to tell Nestle off, do it.  It is well within your right to stand strong in your beliefs when it comes to a company and their practices.  I applaud you being an advocate for what you believe.  I seriously do admire those of you who stand up for what you believe and fight to see that injustices you hear or learn about are dealt with.

However, the moment you made it personal towards the mombloggers (and dad blogger) who went to this event, you lost your credibility.  At least with me.  It amounts to nothing more than school yard bullying.  Not to mention bullying some of the very people who have opened doors that I know you have enjoyed walking through yourself.

And, yes, I know that not all of the people who are anti-Nestle berated these bloggers. I know that.  Enough did, though, that I feel it should be addressed.

Those of you who did make it personal with these bloggers, the next time you decided to throw stones at these people, you think long and hard about what stones could be thrown at you.  Their attendance did not mean they support Nestle’s practices.  Do you know why they went?  Did you ask them what their motivation was to attend?  Did you find out if they wanted to become better informed on the issues you brought up?  Or did you assume their attendance automatically made them the bad guys?

With social media such as Twitter it is so easy to sit behind a computer and hurl your insults and make these people feel bad.  Are you using social media as a tool or as a weapon?  Think about it.

Had I been able to go, would I have gone?  Probably.  Not because I discount the research done by many bloggers on the company.  Not because I wanted a free trip. And not because I will blindly go anywhere I am asked to go.  But because no matter how much research I read from you, I want to get my own answers.  I want to see both sides.  I want to educate myself.

I am so disappointed in how my fellow mombloggers were treated personally. It infuriates me.

I fear that behavior like I saw will drag the mom(my) blogger name into the mud and shove us back into the depths of “we don’t want to hear from them” because dammit we have worked too hard for too many years to gain respect.

And, no, I am not talking about speaking out about your feelings, research and ideas about Nestle itself.  I am talking about the rude, mean spirited attacks against women I know to be admirable, respected and intelligent well educated bloggers who have done amazing things when it comes to blogging–namely momblogging.

Shame on those of you who saw fit to attack the attendees themselves.

Use your anger and your outrage over the company to open a dialogue with Nestle or use your words to educate those who do not know what you have researched.

And for the love of all things community, back the hell off of these bloggers.  They are good people.

/ end rant

Mommybloggers: Integrity, Community and Taking Back the Respect We Earned

Mommybloggers: Integrity, Community and Taking Back the Respect We Earned

Back in 2005 before the first BlogHer conference, two amazing women- Jenny of Three Kid Circus and Meghan of I’m A Bloggin’–  were asked to be on a panel about mommyblogging by BlogHer co-founder Elisa.  I was honored to be asked by Lisa Stone to join them.  We were told it would be a small room and not to feel bad as it may not have many attendees.  In fact, I believe the words “mommyblogging” and “passing phase” were used by Elisa.  (Yes, we laugh about that now seeing as there was an entire track dedicated to mommybloggers in 2009.)  You see, back then mommybloggers were at the very bottom of the blogging food chain.  We were just moms writing as a “little hobby.”  We were not taken seriously.  We were not respected.  We were the frivolous bloggers who would go away soon enough.   During that session, the room was filled to capacity.  Not only were other mom bloggers present, but tech bloggers, literary agents, a reporter and others who were just curious to see what we had to say.The main topic of conversation that first year at the first BlogHer during their first mommyblogging session was the phrase “mommyblogger” itself.  Was it derogatory? Was it demeaning?  Do you we fight it or embrace it?  Many opinions were shared that day but the bottom line came down if “they” were going to call us mommybloggers, we were going to make it a phrase to be proud of when we were labeled with it.  Many women that day did not want to be labeled at all. Especially not labeled a mommyblogger. At that time it was “uncool” to be a mommyblogger.  We did not have respect.  We did not have the “power” that other kinds of bloggers had.  In fact, it was almost a joke to be called a mommyblogger.  We did not have the media clamoring to talk to us about our blogs.  There were not agents knocking on our doors for book deals.  We certainly did not have marketing representatives or PR professionals coming to us for our opinions.

Alice of Finslippy said it best when she stood up at the closing keynote and declared, “Mommyblogging is a radical act!”  And?  It was.  At that time, to be called a mommyblogger and have a mommyblog was radical.  We had to fight for any respect we received.  We had to work hard to earn any recognition that was not negative.  It was radical to embrace (or even accept) being called a mommyblogger.

What did we walk away with that day?  If “they” were going to continue to label us mommybloggers, we would make it a term that was synonymous with respect, integrity and quality writing. The opinions and writing styles represented by the women in that room at that panel were as varied as the writers behind them.  It wasn’t as if we walked away holding hands and singing Kumbaya.  We weren’t suddenly some bonded community that adored each other and created a uniform way of mommyblogging.  For goodness sakes, some of us didn’t even like each other but we did respect the writing represented by each one of us  Regardless of any of our differences, we did agree on one thing:  We would no longer sit back and be disrespected for being a mommyblogger. We were not going to sit at the bottom rung of the blogging ladder and be content.  As a collective of individual writers, we were taking back the term and demanding respect. Not by telling people to respect us.  Not by storming the gates of the media and demand they respect us.  No, we gained respect through our writing.  Call us what you want–label us what you want– we were first and foremost writers.  Good writers.  We just happened to write about our family lives and our children.

Part of embracing the term was starting the site Mommybloggers.  I registered it and went to Jenny and Meghan and asked if they wanted to start a site that focused on featured the quality writing of the amazing women who were labeled “mommybloggers.”  Thus, a we began to shine a light on how amazing these women writers really are.

It was inspiring to see the changes in the perception of mommybloggers after that first year at BlogHer.  We mommybloggers  proved through our writing that we were a powerful group of bloggers.  We showed that the power of our blogs reached much further than our immediate family. We could change the world with our words on our “little mommyblogs.”

Many of us that day were blogging long before some of the “big name” mommybloggers of today even had children.  Yet, when they became moms and were suddenly labeled mommyblogger, they brought even more respect to our community.  Simply because they were popular?  No, not exclusively.  Because they could write well and they did so with confidence and authority and wouldn’t let the label mommyblogger change that.  It was an exclamation point on what we were doing. And I admire them immensely.

The fact of the matter is, those of us who were blogging at and around that time were pioneers in the mommyblogging field.  We did it with pride, openness and quality.  We told the stories of our lives.  We shared stories about motherhood honestly and without apology.  We took back the term “mommyblogger” and made it synonymous with power, integrity and respect.  We worked hard to gain that respect.  We fought for it. We earned it.  And even those who did not want to be labeled at all could be proud when referred to as a “mommyblogger” because we all made that happen.  Together.  Individually with our own blogs.  Yet together.

In the past year or so a new crop of mommybloggers has popped up.  Many women who are a part of this new breed of mommybloggers have come to the scene heralding with much pomp and circumstance a sense of entitlement.  They feel they are owed something.  They feel just by slapping the label mommyblogger on their blog (blogs where they barely if ever write about their personally lives or families at all), they have earned the same respect as those who are writing quality stories that engage their readers.  Do not misunderstand me.  I am under no circumstances saying that this includes all new mommybloggers.  I don’t care if you started blogging 10 days ago or 10 years ago.  It is not in the length of time blogging but in the attitude behind it.  There are some absolutely amazing mommybloggers who are just starting out who I absolutely respect. It is not about being new.  It is about being a part of the “new breed” that is stirring things up.

What do I mean by a ” new breed” of mommybloggers? I am talking about the ones who project an air of entitlement because they are a “mommyblogger.”  I am talking about the ones who shout so loud to marketers that the rest of us can barely be heard above the clamor. I am talking about the ones who behave rudely to PR people who do not give them what they want, complain if someone else got something they did not, or cry foul if they are not the ones sent on a trip that other women took.  I am talking about the ones who try to tell others how to make PR work for them and how to get the best things and how they deserve those things.  In the midst of all of the noise and self declared importance, where is the quality writing about life and family that actually brought respect to the mommyblogging community?

Now, before you even go there I will say that I do not have a problem with working with the media. (I have done several interviews both in print and on tv.)  I do not have a problem working with marketers or PR representatives.  (I have great relationships with many, many of them.)  I do not have a problem with sending bloggers on trips to teach them more about a product and show them firsthand where it all starts.  (I have been on a few of these and have referred many other mommybloggers for these trips when asked.)  And finally, I do not have a problem with free products, product reviews or working with a company to test a new product. (I have done all of those more than once.)  I do have a problem with assuming you are entitled to it, demanding you receive it and throwing an Internet hissy fit when it doesn’t go your way.  I have a problem with behaving so poorly and rudely that the term “mommyblogger” is suddenly becoming synonymous with greed, rude behavior and a self important sense of  entitlement.

Who do you think brought those marketers and media to your blog?  Those of us who fought (and still fight) to bring respect to the term “mommybloggers.”  Our writing, not our shouting, demanding or grabbing gained us the respect this new breed feels entitled to have.

This weekend I heard bloggers that I admire and respect say things to distance themselves from the term mommyblogger.  The always kind and spot on Julie of The Mom Slant saying  more than once “Don’t call me a mommyblogger!” Kristen of Motherhood Uncensored who never pulls a punch declaring her new motto ” Not all bloggers are like that” when referring to being called a mommyblogger.  Hearing Busy Mom (The Original) –who happens to be one of the most mellow, non-judgemental, pioneers in the mommyblogging community– refer to all of this as the year shame died which in turn prompted the title of a brilliant post from the amazing blogger, Liz of Mom 101.  I heard and experienced all of those last weekend.

And it broke my heart.

These are the women who stood up and earned respect for term “mommyblogger” through their amazing writing, professionalism and pride in what they write about.  Even those who resist labels altogether wore the mommyblogger label with pride when it was applied to them are now these women want nothing to do with it.  Those same women who brought respect to the term and the community are now repulsed by it.

And I am heartbroken.

And I am mad.

It brings to my mind a question that I have been pondering since all of this finally came to a head at BlogHer.

And I want you to think about this long and hard.

If you join an established and respected community, do you owe it anything?  Is it your responsibility to respect what has been built with hard work and diligence by the people who consider themselves a part of that community?  Especially if it is a community without set rules, guidelines or membership but rather it is merely a community of writers who have worked hard to support each other through their writing and willingness to stand up for each other both on their blogs and in their personal lives?

If you throw on that label, what does that mean?  Does it mean anything?  Should you respect those who came before you–the pioneers if you will–or do you say to hell with how it has been done or the work they have put into this community, this is how I want to do it?

If a community is built by being open to everyone who identifies with it, respects it and is proud to be a part of it, what happens to that community when just using the label that identifies it throws it into turmoil.  When it places someone right smack dab into the middle of this open community and that person has little respect for what it stands for already?

Does self labeling make you are part of a community?

I don’t know.

What I do know is my heart broke when I heard amazing writers who have never fought the term mommyblogger and even go as far as bring it respect, not want to be associated with it.  Worse?  When I was talking to  Susan Getgood, a woman I respect immensely,  and heard the words, “I don’t even want to be called a mommyblogger anymore if this is what is has come down to.”  come out of my very own mouth, my heart dropped to my feet.  The look on her face (and the tears that began rolling down my cheeks)  said it all.

But now?  You can forget that.  Too many amazing mommybloggers fought too hard to walk away from something we brought respect to.  Mark my words, we will take back the respect we earned and fought for.  Will we do it through screaming, threats, blog attacks or excluding people?  No. Absolutely not.  That is not what built us up in the first place and it is not what will sustain us through this insanity of poor behavior.

What will we do? We will write the hell out of our blogs and remind people who mommybloggers are and why we earned the respect we have.  Just before I left I was handed a fortune cookie. (I was overwhelmed so I cannot remember the link of who gave it to me. Tell me and I will link you!)  That fortune cookie says it all for me.

The end looks much like the beginning.  Return to what you once knew and many have forgotten along the way.

I have not forgotten.  Have you?

Guest post: An exclusive interview with Jenn’s arm

Guest post: An exclusive interview with Jenn’s arm

Hi!  I am Jenn’s arm.  Jenn is sleeping off BlogHer so I am guest posting for her. I sort of don’t have her permission to be posting here, so let’s keep this between us.   Jenn has wonderful things to say about the amazing weekend that was BlogHer but trying to get her to form a coherent sentence is impossible.  So when I was approached by Oh No You Didn’t” Magazine to do an exclusive interview regarding the “swagontrovery” of BlogHer09, there was no way I could resist.  Just don’t tell Jenn. She doesn’t want me to discuss it.  And really don’t tell her I took over her blog.  Thanks! Jenn will be back tomorrow to post.

—–

Boom Boom Pow ONYD:  So I have seen  you around the Interwebs on Twitter and on blog posts.  I must say, you’re not very attractive.

Jenn’s Arm: That was rude.

ONYD:  I thought that was the point.  My bad.  Okay, so I have heard several versions of what happened to you.  One blogger went as far as to say that those marks are you look like a result of shooting heroin.  What do you have to say about that?

Jenn’s Arm:  Liz?  She just needs to learn to blog with integrity.

ONYD: So you’re denying the resemblance

Jenn’s arm: You’re an idiot.  Next question.

ONYD:  Okay, so tell us in your own words what happened.

Jenn’s Arm:  I was just hanging around when Jenn decided to go into the Expo area to actually talk to vendors.  Apparently the eyes were not on the job because that place was packed.  So, there I am just minding my own business when Jenn decides to go and do something dangerous and reckless like stop and carry on a conversation with a vendor about their product.  I mean really!  Who actually stops to talk to these people?!   Grab and go! But no.  As she stood there talking intently and was obviously  not being rude or quick about it as she should have been, someone grabbed me from behind to get to the vendor’s swag.

ONYD:  Wow!  That must have been some rare or expensive stuff.

Jenn’s Arm:  Not really.  It might have been  a bag with a pen or mouse pad or a sample of detergent in it.

ONYD:  And that one person did that to you?

Jenn’s arm:  No.  The top bruise happened on a separate occasion from the one where you can clearly see the outline of the fingers that grabbed me.  So, Jenn let me get marred so she could carelessly learn about a product she was unfamiliar with or carry on a conversation with some vendor.  I mean, she could have used that time to let me grab stuff and elbow people out of the way.  But, no.  She just let me hang around.

ONYD: Did you see who did it?

Jenn’s arm:  I am an arm. I don’t have eyes.

ONYD:  You’re doing an interview.

Jenn’s arm: Shut up.

ONYD:  Okay, moving on.  Are you mad?  Is Jenn mad?

Jenn’s arm:  Jenn is not mad.  She is heartbroken. Absolutely heartbroken.  This put such an ugly light on a weekend that meant so much to her.  She is sad.  She is just very sad over behavior she saw, the backlash of it and what it has done to a community she truly loves with all of her heart.  I feel bad for her heart, actually. You can’t see the marks on him like you can on me and they are deeper and longer lasting.

Am I mad?  Oh, heck no!  I am famous!

ONYD:  Famous?

Jenn’s arm: Absolutely. I had paparazzi all weekend.  My photo was taken more than Jenn’s.  In fact, I have been approached for a book deal.

ONYD:  No way!  A book deal?

Jenn’s arm:  Yeah.  I even have a title.  “Boom Boom Pow:An Expo-Say On the Quest for Swag”  What do you think? Get it? Expo as in the Expo hall and Say as in I am saying what happened?  Get it.

ONYD: Now you’re the idiot.

Jenn’s arm:  I think this interview is over.  Any last questions?

ONYD: Can I have your autograph?

Jenn’s arm:  Talk to the hand.

——