Jenn Satterwhite

Hi!  I am Jenn’s arm.  Jenn is sleeping off BlogHer so I am guest posting for her. I sort of don’t have her permission to be posting here, so let’s keep this between us.   Jenn has wonderful things to say about the amazing weekend that was BlogHer but trying to get her to form a coherent sentence is impossible.  So when I was approached by “Oh No You Didn’t” Magazine to do an exclusive interview regarding the “swagontrovery” of BlogHer09, there was no way I could resist.  Just don’t tell Jenn. She doesn’t want me to discuss it.  And really don’t tell her I took over her blog.  Thanks! Jenn will be back tomorrow to post.

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ONYD:  So I have seen  you around the Interwebs on Twitter and on blog posts.  I must say, you’re not very attractive.

Jenn’s Arm: That was rude.

ONYD:  I thought that was the point.  My bad.  Okay, so I have heard several versions of what happened to you.  One blogger went as far as to say that those marks are you look like a result of shooting heroin.  What do you have to say about that?

Jenn’s Arm:  Liz?  She just needs to learn to blog with integrity.

ONYD: So you’re denying the resemblance

Jenn’s arm: You’re an idiot.  Next question.

ONYD:  Okay, so tell us in your own words what happened.

Jenn’s Arm:  I was just hanging around when Jenn decided to go into the Expo area to actually talk to vendors.  Apparently the eyes were not on the job because that place was packed.  So, there I am just minding my own business when Jenn decides to go and do something dangerous and reckless like stop and carry on a conversation with a vendor about their product.  I mean really!  Who actually stops to talk to these people?!   Grab and go! But no.  As she stood there talking intently and was obviously  not being rude or quick about it as she should have been, someone grabbed me from behind to get to the vendor’s swag.

ONYD:  Wow!  That must have been some rare or expensive stuff.

Jenn’s Arm:  Not really.  It might have been  a bag with a pen or mouse pad or a sample of detergent in it.

ONYD:  And that one person did that to you?

Jenn’s arm:  No.  The top bruise happened on a separate occasion from the one where you can clearly see the outline of the fingers that grabbed me.  So, Jenn let me get marred so she could carelessly learn about a product she was unfamiliar with or carry on a conversation with some vendor.  I mean, she could have used that time to let me grab stuff and elbow people out of the way.  But, no.  She just let me hang around.

ONYD: Did you see who did it?

Jenn’s arm:  I am an arm. I don’t have eyes.

ONYD:  You’re doing an interview.

Jenn’s arm: Shut up.

ONYD:  Okay, moving on.  Are you mad?  Is Jenn mad?

Jenn’s arm:  Jenn is not mad.  She is heartbroken. Absolutely heartbroken.  This put such an ugly light on a weekend that meant so much to her.  She is sad.  She is just very sad over behavior she saw, the backlash of it and what it has done to a community she truly loves with all of her heart.  I feel bad for her heart, actually. You can’t see the marks on him like you can on me and they are deeper and longer lasting.

Am I mad?  Oh, heck no!  I am famous!

ONYD:  Famous?

Jenn’s arm: Absolutely. I had paparazzi all weekend.  My photo was taken more than Jenn’s.  In fact, I have been approached for a book deal.

ONYD:  No way!  A book deal?

Jenn’s arm:  Yeah.  I even have a title.  “Boom Boom Pow:An Expo-Say On the Quest for Swag”  What do you think? Get it? Expo as in the Expo hall and Say as in I am saying what happened?  Get it.

ONYD: Now you’re the idiot.

Jenn’s arm:  I think this interview is over.  Any last questions?

ONYD: Can I have your autograph?

Jenn’s arm:  Talk to the hand.

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